Unsaid Feelings and Intentions
by Black-Cat164
Summary: Jim is in a relationship with Spock but is holding something back. Will everything turn out alright when Spock enters Pon Farr? slight AU, OOC, Slash Please vote on the poll on my profile.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

Jim sighed as he stepped into the shower before his shift. He hated keeping secrets from Spock. He and the half-Vulcan had been in a relationship for a few months now and had yet to even kiss. Sure they talked a lot and had gotten closer but there was not a lot going on physically in their relationship. It was by Jim's choice, he was trying to prove to both himself and to Spock that his academy reputation of being a playboy did not matter anymore, but he could see it was affecting Spock. Every time he shrugged off an affectionate gesture or pulled away from a touch, Jim could see Spock distancing himself more and more from him emotionally.

It pained Jim to know that he was hurting Spock in this way, but he had to do it if only for himself. If he could not prove to himself that he was willing to commit to a long term relationship then he would not lead Spock on any further. This is why; from the first day Spock had asked him out, he had asked Uhura and future Spock to teach him the Vulcan language and customs. He had not told Spock about the lessons because he had wanted to surprise his half-Vulcan First Officer.

Stepping out of the shower, Jim dried off and got ready for his shift. When he entered the bridge he was confused to see another crew member from the science department at Spock's station. He and Spock had the same shift today and he had not received anything saying that Spock was not able to make his shift. He decided to wait and see if the Vulcan was simply late. However, Jim did not see him all day; he had not even seen him at meals. After dinner he finally decided to go down to the medical bay to see if his best friend and chief doctor knew anything. Bones looked up when his door slid open and he looked surprised to see Jim.

"Bones have you heard anything from Spock? I haven't seen him all day and he missed his shift," Jim said, concern in his voice.

"Jim, I thought you knew. Spock entered his first Pon Farr today. He called me early this morning to inform me. I was under the impression that he was going to tell you as well and that you would be with him," Bones said.

Jim's blue eyes widened in panic when he heard what Bones said. He turned and ran from his friend's office without another word. He had to get to Spock before it was too late. He had taken Jim's physical hesitance as rejection and so planned to face his first Pon Farr alone and not bond with anyone. This could potentially kill him and Spock knew that. What he did not know was that Jim knew this as well. That was precisely the reason why Jim was running through the halls of his ship to get to Spock's room. When he finally reached the room the door was locked. Swearing, Jim entered his override Capitan's code to unlock the door.

The room was stifling as Jim stepped into it. He began to sweat almost immediately but ignored the temperature. The door slid shut behind him and Jim entered his Capitan's code to lock it. It did not take him long to spot Spock. The half-Vulcan lay on his bed completely naked, pale skin sweaty and flushed green. Jim walked closer to the bed to see if his partner was alright but stopped when Spock's head turned to look at him. Brown eyes were filled with pain and lust and it pulled at Jim's heart. That expression would have never been on Spock's face if Jim had simply been honest with him.

"Spock," Jim breathed out, taking a step closer.

"Get out, Jim, go away," Spock managed to get out from between clenched teeth.

"No. I'm not leaving you alone like this, Spock. Why didn't you tell me you entered Pon Farr?" Jim said, hurt entering his voice. He knew that Spock did not notice but that was okay. Jim was more concerned for the half-Vulcan anyway.

"You wouldn't have cared. You made it clear to me that you don't wish to bond with me. I'll be fine, Jim. Just leave," Spock said.

Jim knew that Spock was very disoriented and distraught if he was using contractions in his speech. This worried Jim greatly. He crossed the rest of the way to the bed and knelt so he could look at Spock as relative eye level. He stared into Spock's brown eyes and began to speak.

"Du tra t'nash-veh veh ong goh t'hy'la," (1) Jim said in accented Vulcan. He saw shock and awe on his partner's face and in his eyes. These were the only emotions visible on the half-Vulcan's face, but Jim knew that he was feeling more than just shock.

"When did you learn to speak Vulcan?" Spock asked. His voice was quiet and slightly raspy but still displayed his awe.

"I started learning the first time you asked me out. I want to surprise you and show you that I'm serious about our relationship. That's why I tried to keep physical contact to a minimum. I wanted to prove to you and myself that my academy reputation is behind me," Jim explained. His blue eyes pleaded with Spock to believe him and to understand.

The blond was surprised when Spock lifted his right hand and placed it on the back of his head. Spock's grip on the human's short hair was firm but not tight enough to hurt. Jim allowed Spock to pull him forward and blue eyes closed as their lips met. Jim allowed Spock's tongue to plunder his mouth hungrily, greedily. Both men pulled away when the need for air was too great. Breathing heavily, Jim stared into molten brown eyes as he gently removed Spock's hand from his head. Confusion appeared in the half-Vulcan's eyes alongside the lust but the Captain remained silent. Raising his right hand, Jim caressed his pointer and middle fingers against Spock's own in a Vulcan kiss. A smile curved the corners of the half-Vulcan's mouth before he pulled Jim back for another human kiss.

You are my one and only friend-lover-lifelong companion.


End file.
